Through the Wound

There is this rawness inside of me. A raw pulsating wound. It feels wet and slow and very alive. There is hesitation in moving towards something that is so rich in energy, so alive, has its own texture, without knowing what it is. It is a bit like moving towards an animal that I can’t recognize, something that vibrates and something that I can sense, but it doesn’t have a face or anything that I can put into a category. It’s like finding a form of life I haven’t known before. There is fear in moving towards this high energy. It doesn’t move, it’s sending out vibrations. I am curious, the part of me that wants to know it, is moving towards it, including my fear. The moment I chose to move towards it, has been like entering the event horizon of a black hole. I am drawn closer, a part of me wants to keep a safe distance but I can’t resist the pull. There is a force of nature pulling me in, it’s my life force. My wound is a place of dense life force energy, it bends spacetime in a unique way. I am in the now and the past is with me and I am creating the future. It is a place inside of me, where what seems impossible from the outside, becomes possible. It’s a territory that transmits data through sensing and through experience, not through knowing or thinking. It invites me to willingly be swallowed by it, to know how it is to be it. Connecting to a place of humility, has accompanied me in accepting that call. At first the wound felt like very slow quicksand. It felt like a part of me and there hasn’t been repulsion anymore. Just allowing this process. Sinking deeper into it, I felt it’s texture and history and got a sense of what this part of me is. It’s quite different than what my mind has been thinking about this place. Inside the wound it felt soothing and warm. I felt held by myself in a more potent way and I felt held by something much bigger than me. And I realized that all of that is part of me.

Pic: First picture of a super massive black hole at the center of M87, a galaxy 54 million light years away - taken with the event horizon telescope. Published on April 10th 2019 and the scientists started taking the pictures in April 2017

Happy fools day!