When we label parts of self or of life as bad and have (unconscious) habits of avoiding them, we leave out important data. To become more loving we can practice transforming our attitude from polarization and conditional engagement to curiosity and unconditional love.
A good way to get conscious of the way we engage with reality is to notice what turns us on and what turns us off. For example we might be turned on by our life, our job, our partner, etc when things are going a certain way. As long as there are ‘no problems’. When a problem occurs, the part of us that has a fixation on whatever, might start tricking us into thinking that there is some emergency going on. That something is wrong and needs to be fixed or casted out.
We might start disengaging from the present. Maybe we want to fix a bad future, maybe we interpret the present and make meaning out of the problem, maybe we numb ourselves or engage in some fantasy about the future or project the past into the future, etc…
We might avoid the territory that holds the data we need to evolve and to move forward.
Instead we can transform the problem into an opportunity for growth. A direct way to do this is to make it about ourselves. We can make it more interesting by noticing when we feel turned off by life, others or ourselves. Where is the turn off coming from, how does it feel, what does it say? Which parts of me are fixated on purity, utopia and perfection? What behavior or which parts of reality need to be perfect? What do these parts of me actually want?
To be loving towards Self unconditionally, we want to practice unconditional engagement:
take a look behind the curtain and see what parts of self are hidden behind “the turn off energy”.
Through consistent practice, we start the process of loving us as we are, loving our partner as they are and being in reality as it is. When we inhabit our bodies we are in the present moment, where we experience that which is real. From here we can make choices fueled with love and clarity.
Art Martin Whatson
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